Monday, February 27, 2017

i want to run...

It's funny, the thought of running has always made me feel nauseous. Just the thought...

When I would actually have to run for sports, PE, to get those extra Weight Watchers points, or that one time I thought my friend was a bear (true story), I would ACTUALLY feel nauseous.

Through the nausea though, I always wanted to run a marathon...something I desire for the sole purpose of putting one of those 26.2 stickers on my car.

But the fear takes over my entire body and I can feel the nausea in my toes, and I forget about the damn sticker and eat 7 oreos...

Lately I have felt the need to run again. I have been struck with nausea to the very core of my person at the thought of it. But it's a different kind of running.

It's the kind of running that might be easier. Something that might make me comfortable. It's the workout that I am told will bring some rest and ease to my life.

Oh, I want to run. Hard and fast and for miles.

I want to run from where I have been placed. I desire to be closer with my family, making a decent paycheck, have a schedule that I design, and be able to go somewhere ALONE.

I want to run away from my problems, my fears, my stress, and my mind.

But all that will wait for me at my desired destination is despair, self - destruction, and a temporary fix.

The thought of running from where I have been placed, for such a time as this, placed with a calling, a HOLY calling...the thought of walking, no, running, away from this...oh, the blessings I would miss. The Joy I would lose...

So I will stay. I will find joy in the mess. I will be refined. I will look back and say "dang"...& then maybe something more poetic and pretty.

I want to run, but I will walk through this time. I will allow Him to carry me. I will not fear.

I will rest in THE perfect love. I will be refined. I will come out more dependent on the Lord. I will gaze upon him.

I will go where I am sent.

I will stay where I am put.
I will give all that I have, until He says I am done.

I will RUN, but only to the cross.

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